Low Ego, High Self- Esteem
Photo credit: Bianca Tuckwell
Twelve years ago, I was at an event where Greg Ellis, the former CEO of Realestate.com.au, was interviewed. They asked him what the secret to the success of the business was. At the time, we were growing exponentially. We had leading technology and digital capability, huge brand recognition, progressive ways of working, and a culture and employee engagement that was the envy of most organisations. I will never forget Greg’s answer:
"We have a group of leaders with low ego and high self-esteem."
That answer set the path for much of what I have done in my career since then. In many ways, the work I do today with leaders and organisations is about helping leadership teams increase their self-belief and reduce their egos so they can work better together for the greater good of the organisation. But at the same time, it has also been my personal journey of self-transformation and growth. In fact, I don’t think I could have started and led a business for so many years without doing a lot of work on this topic.
Some people may think ego and self-esteem are the same thing, equating both with a brazen, unflappable attitude under pressure. It’s even said that such an attitude will get you ahead in your career. But in my mind, the difference is huge.
In a nutshell:
- Ego is motivated by a desire to be seen as right and seeks approval and validation at all costs.
- Self-esteem is confidence, will, and knowledge. With self-esteem, there’s no need to boast or seek attention, and decision-making is “clean,” free from self-interest.
The same applies to business founders. I was talking to someone last week about the most important thing to start a business. Is it having a good idea? A solid plan? Money in the bank? Connections? Sure, all those things help, but my answer was: a healthy dose of self-belief. And that was my personal experience too. I don’t think I could had taken the leap of faith without the personal work to increase my intrinsic self-belief.
You can have all the resources, but without belief in yourself, you might not start – or you’ll quit at the first sign of adversity. On the other hand, if you lead your business venture with ego, you’ll likely make crucial mistakes.
So, what are the key differences for leaders or founders operating from ego versus self-esteem?
1. Mistaking vanity recognition for accomplishments
Leaders and founders can waste time trying to “look good” – whether in front of a board or on LinkedIn. Those with healthy self-esteem care less about external recognition and focus on what’s truly important for the team or business. I remember myself doing that too; and how a few likes on LinkedIn, a new title or how large the teams I managed were more important than the bigger picture of what my organisation or teams were trying to achieve.
2. Putting personal interests before the organisation’s goals
In today’s matrixed organisations, one big challenge is developing “enterprise leaders” – those who think beyond silos and see the whole organisation. Ego-driven leaders tend to show defensiveness, self-righteousness, or judgment; elements that will definitely kill cross-collaboration. Leaders with self-esteem, by contrast, bring empathy, understanding, and vulnerability; which in my mind are necessary to create a truly enterprise mindset led organisation.
3. Leadership (or ownership) is not about you
Leadership is about giving meaning to life beyond personal ambition. By definition, it’s a selfless act. Ego-driven decisions prioritise self-interest, while self-esteem-driven leaders ask, “Is this best for the organisation?” Similarly, founders must prioritise the sustainable future of their business – and the people who depend on it – over their personal lifestyle. If your only reason to be leader or a business owner is because you want to make more money; I believe you will fail. Sure, money is important; but it is the result of doing good things; not the goal to pursue.
What’s your take on this?
