Leader as Coach: How I Stopped Doing Everything and Started Leading
BY SIAN JONES
As a leader, I prided myself on being the one with the answers. My team would come to me with problems, and I would offer quick solutions. “Just try this,” I would say. “Here’s what worked for me.” I thought I was being helpful. Efficient. The kind of leader people could count on.
But behind the scenes, I was tired. Frustrated. Resentful.
It felt like I was the only one taking initiative. My team kept bringing the same challenges, and I couldn’t understand why they weren’t just solving things themselves and moving forward.
The ‘Advice Monster’ Trap
Michael Bungay Stanier, author of The Coaching Habit, describes something called the Advice Monster—the instinct leaders have to jump in with answers the moment someone shares a problem.
Why do we do it?
It makes us feel smart.
It keeps us in control.
It is faster than coaching.
But giving advice often doesn’t help at all.
When we default to solutions, we send the message that people can’t figure things out themselves, that their ideas aren’t as good as ours, and that they should just follow instructions instead of thinking critically.
The result is a team that stops thinking for themselves. They become dependent. They wait for answers. They stop learning.
And the leader burns out.
That was me - stuck in a loop of overwork and frustration. Until I realised I needed to lead differently.
From Telling to Coaching
Instead of jumping in with answers, I started asking questions. Instead of giving advice, I got curious.
A team member would say, "I’m struggling to manage my time and meet deadlines."
Before, I would have said, "Make a to-do list. Block two hours a day."
Now, I ask, "What’s weighing on you the most right now?"
Someone would say, "I’m not sure what do about this challenge."
Before, I would have said, "Do X, Y and Z."
Now, I ask, "What have you considered already?"
At first, it felt slow and uncomfortable. I had to fight the urge to fix things.
But then, something incredible happened. My team started coming up with their own solutions. They became more engaged, more proactive, and more confident. Instead of relying on me, they relied on themselves.
And for the first time in a long time, I wasn’t exhausted. I was also able to do more meaningful work.
Want to Lead Differently? Start Here
Notice when your Advice Monster takes over.
Pause before jumping in with solutions.
Ask open-ended questions instead.
It is a small shift, but a powerful one.
If you are ready to move from overworked problem-solver to empowering coach, join us for our Leader as Coach workshop on March 4, 2025.
